Tax day, April 15, was looming when an elderly woman showed up at the IRS. She said she needed a thick stack of tax forms. The clerk asked, “Why so many?” “My son is stationed overseas,” she replied. “He asked me to pick up forms for the Marines on the base.” The clerk said, “You shouldn’t have to do this. It’s the base commander’s job to make sure his troops have access to the forms they need.” The woman smiled and...
The richest man in the world decided he wanted to be blessed by the Pope at the Vatican. So he traveled to Rome, put on his finest suit, and went to the Vatican to watch the morning papal procession. The Pope moved through the crowd, and the man was close enough to reach out his hand. But the Pope walked right past him and stopped in front of a dirty, ragged beggar a few feet away. The Pope took the beggar’s hand, le...
Moishe the carpenter was returning home with his week’s wages when he was accosted by an armed robber on a deserted street. “Take my money,” said Moishe, “but do me a favour: shoot a bullet through my hat, otherwise my wife won’t believe I was robbed.” The robber obliged. He tossed Moishe’s hat into the air and fired a bullet straight through it. “Let’s make it look like I ran into a gang of robbers,” Moishe continue...
A beggar was given a piece of bread, but nothing to put on it. Hoping to get something to go with his bread, he went to a nearby inn and asked for a handout. The innkeeper turned him away with nothing, but the beggar sneaked into the kitchen where he saw a large pot of soup cooking over the fire. He held his piece of bread over the steaming pot, hoping to thus capture a bit of flavor from the good-smelling vapor. Sud...
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.” There was a lon...
Tillie and Millie, two old girlfriends, met for lunch. Tillie: “I married a wealthy clothing manufacturer, and he bought me a yacht for my birthday.” Millie: “Astounding!” Tillie: “I have charge accounts in all the department stores.” Millie: “Astounding!” Tillie: “I have a drawer full of rubies and emeralds, and my husband bought me a twenty-five carat diamond ring for our second anniversary.” Millie: “Astounding!”...
Two men were marooned on an island. One man paced back and forth, worried and scared, while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, “Aren’t you afraid we are about to die?” “No,” said the second man. “You see, I make $100,000 per week and I tithe faithfully to my church every week. My pastor will find me.”
When the CEO of a company gets arrested for embezzlement, he makes a frantic phone call to his lawyer. The lawyer meets him in the police station. “Listen,” the CEO says, “I’ve got at least two million stashed in a Caymans account. Can you get me out of this?” “Believe me,” the lawyer says, “there is no way you’re going to prison with that kind of money.” True to his word, the lawyer made sure that ten months later,...