A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said to keep quiet! You’re going to jail!” A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at h...

The MI6, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rab...

A blonde walks into a police station looking for a job. An officer decides to test her with a few questions. Officer: “What’s two plus two?” Blonde: “Ummm… four!” Officer: “What’s the square root of one hundred?” Blonde: “Ummm… ten!” Officer: “Good. Now tell me… who killed Abraham Lincoln?” Blonde: “Ummm… I don’t know.” Officer: “Go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.” The blonde goes home and excitedly call...

An elderly couple is settling into bed when the old man realizes he left the lights on in the greenhouse out back. Suddenly, they hear voices. Three men have broken into the greenhouse. Frightened, they call the police. Dispatcher: “We’ll send an officer as soon as one becomes available. All units are currently busy.” A few minutes later, the old man calls dispatch again. Old Man: “Don’t worry about sending anyone. I...

A guy rolls through a stop sign in Chester and gets pulled over by a police officer. Cop: “License and registration, please.” Driver: “What for?” Cop: “You didn’t come to a complete stop at the stop sign.” Driver: “I slowed down, and no one was coming.” Cop: “You still didn’t come to a complete stop. License and registration, please.” Driver: “What’s the difference?” Cop: “The difference is, you must come to a comple...