A henpecked husband was advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. “You don’t have to let your wife bully you,” the doctor said. “Go home and show her who’s the boss.” The husband decided to take the advice. He went home, slammed the door, looked at his wife and growled, “From now on, you’re taking orders from me. I want my supper right now. After you set the table, go upstairs and lay out my clothes.” “Tonight I’m...
A child asked his father, “How were people born?” The father replied, “Adam and Eve made babies. Then their babies grew up and made babies, and so on.” Later, the child went to his mother and asked her the same question. She answered, “We were monkeys, and over time we evolved to become the people we are today.” The child ran back to his father and said angrily, “You lied to me!” The father calmly replied, “No, son....
Matty was almost 29 years old. All of his friends were already married, but Matty kept dating and dating. Finally, one of his friends asked, “What’s the matter? Are you looking for the perfect woman? Can’t you find anyone who suits you?” “No,” Matty replied. “I meet lots of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them. So I keep looking.” The friend thought for a moment...
A woman walked into the city Centrelink office, trailed by fifteen children. The social worker exclaimed, “WOW! Are they all yours?” “Yeah, they’re all mine,” the exhausted mother sighed, having heard that question far too many times. She called out, “Sit down, Terry!” All fifteen children rushed to find seats. The social worker blinked and said, “Well then, I’ll need all of your children’s names.” “This one’s my old...
One day, a father and his daughter are together. The father is putting the daughter to sleep. After the father leaves, he hears her saying her prayers. He hears her say, ”God bless mommy, daddy, and grandma, rest in peace grandpa.” The father hears all of this and barges back into the room. He asks her, ”Why did you say the last part?” The daughter replies, ”Because I needed to.” The next day, grandpa dies. The fathe...
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey, Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later." "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to." "Aw, come on, boy," the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't...