An elderly couple were killed in an accident and suddenly found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo,” said Peter. “Over there are the tennis courts, the swimming pool, and two golf courses.” “If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.” After Saint Peter walked off, the old man leaned toward his wife and hissed, “Heck,...

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip. When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn’t miss them until they had been driving for about forty minutes. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around and return to t...

Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them. Reporter: “I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to a long life.” The three old men agreed, and the reporter asked the first man his secret. First Man: “I never drank alcohol, I never smoked tobacco, and I’ve been married to the same woman for fifty years.” Reporter: “That’s really remarkable! And how ol...

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there’s baseball in Heaven?” Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal — if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.” They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes o...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,...