Henry goes to confession and speaks softly from behind the screen. Henry: “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night I was with seven different women.” The priest thinks for a moment, then gives his instruction. Priest: “Take seven lemons, squeeze them into a glass, and drink the juice without pausing.” Henry: “Will that cleanse me of my sins, Father?” Priest: “No… but it’ll wipe that silly grin off your face.”

One Sunday morning, the vicar notices little Johnny standing in the foyer of the church, staring at a large plaque on the wall. After watching the seven-year-old for a moment, the vicar walks over and speaks softly. Vicar: “Good morning, son.” Little Johnny: “Good morning, vicar. Can I ask you something, sir? What is this for? Why are all these names listed here?” Vicar: “Well, son, these are the names of people who...

Three couples die at the same time and line up at the pearly gates. The first couple approaches Saint Peter. Saint Peter: “What is your name?” Man: “John Smith.” Saint Peter: “John Smith… the man who loved money so much he refused to marry until he found a woman named Penny? You are banished to Hell!” The first couple leaves, completely dejected. The second couple steps forward. Saint Peter: “And your name?” Man: “Mi...

Two men were marooned on an island. One man paced back and forth, worried and scared, while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, “Aren’t you afraid we are about to die?” “No,” said the second man. “You see, I make $100,000 per week and I tithe faithfully to my church every week. My pastor will find me.”

Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball. Abe turns to Sol and asks, “Do you think there’s baseball in Heaven?” Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, “I dunno. But let’s make a deal — if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.” They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes o...

I went to a mixed religion convention. The Christian Priest came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of Jesus Christ, you will walk today!” I smiled and told him I was not paralysed. The Rabbi came, laid his hands on my hand and said, “By the will of God Almighty, you will walk today! I was less amused when I told him there was nothing wrong with me. The Mullah came, took my hands and said, “Insha Allah...