He was a widower and she was a widow. They had known each other for many years, having been high school classmates and attending every class reunion. At their 60th class reunion, they shared a table with two other singles. The evening was wonderful, with the widower casting admiring glances and the widow smiling coyly back. During one slow dance, he finally gathered the courage to ask: Widower: “Will you marry me?” A...

Three couples die at the same time and line up at the pearly gates. The first couple approaches Saint Peter. Saint Peter: “What is your name?” Man: “John Smith.” Saint Peter: “John Smith… the man who loved money so much he refused to marry until he found a woman named Penny? You are banished to Hell!” The first couple leaves, completely dejected. The second couple steps forward. Saint Peter: “And your name?” Man: “Mi...

Two law partners, Ed and Joe, are driving through the country one evening during a vacation when their car breaks down near a farmhouse. They knock on the door, and an attractive lady dressed in black opens it. “Can I help you?” she asks. Ed says, “Our car broke down, it’s getting late, and we were wondering if you could put us up for the night?” The lady shakes her head. “I don’t think so. I’m recently a widow, and...

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes. The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to...

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said,...

A man enters the emergency room with two black eyes, multiple lacerations, and a seven iron wrapped around his neck. The doctor pulls him into one of the examining rooms and says, "What the hell happened to you, my friend?" "Well, doc," the man replies, "It's like this. My wife and I were out on the golf course off the eighth tee when we both wind up slicing into a cow pasture next to the course. So we both head into...