Several centuries ago, the Pope decides that all the Jews have to leave Rome. Naturally there is a big uproar from the Jewish community. So the Pope makes a deal. He'll have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew wins, the Jews can stay. If the Pope wins, the Jews leave the city. The Jewish community meets and picks an aged Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. Rabbi Moishe, ho...
A beggar was given a piece of bread, but nothing to put on it. Hoping to get something to go with his bread, he went to a nearby inn and asked for a handout. The innkeeper turned him away with nothing, but the beggar sneaked into the kitchen where he saw a large pot of soup cooking over the fire. He held his piece of bread over the steaming pot, hoping to thus capture a bit of flavor from the good-smelling vapor. Sud...
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet I guess... Or...
Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.” The agent replied, “Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.” There was a lon...
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion." Later, the lion confronts a wildebeest and fiercely bellows, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?" The terrified wildebeest stammers, "Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On...
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door, opens it, and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door in disgust. The next morning she hears a knock at the door. It’s the same man, and he asks the same question, “Do you have a vagina?” She slams the door again. Later that night when her husband gets home, she tells him what has happ...
Dave was always boasting in the pub. One night he bragged to the crowd of drinkers that he knew everyone in the world. Sid the barman had had enough, so challenged Dave to prove it. "Ok," said Dave. "£100 says I'm right then." Sid took him up on the bet and booked flights to Hollywood. There they made their way to the home of Brad Pitt. "Well hello there Dave buddy," said Brad Pitt. Sid was taken aback at this, but s...
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name." "It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only...
A man tells his doctor that he isn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination is complete, he says, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replies, "you're just lazy." "Okay," says the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."
The MI6, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it. The CIA people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that the rab...
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. "Hey mister, the monkey… what does it know to be worth that much money?" "Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games." "Good monkey, it’s worth the money." He...
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife be...